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They Weren't the Heroes We Wanted

Started by Eulaliaaa!, June 21, 2015, 02:36:11 AM

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Is this good?

Yes, I love reading this
3 (60%)
It's good, but needs improvement
2 (40%)
It's not that good...
0 (0%)
Wow, this is terrible.
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Total Members Voted: 5

Luftwaffles

Hey, this is a really interesting chapter!

That villain is really vicious, extremely nasty and totally unforgiving... in other words, a very engaging character. I would definitely want to read more about him and his ways, seeing that he's going to be a real pain for everyone who's unfortunate enough to be on his path.

And about the mole speech... I didn't understand a word, so you did great :D
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Wot, wot!

That was awesome :D I feel so bad for Quickpaw, that was really suspenseful. The mole speech was amazing too :) Great job Eul ;)
"Get him! Grab that spy! I want his head!"
Basil chuckled. "What's the matter? Isn't your own head good enough? No, I don't suppose it is. Ugly-looking brute, aren't you?" -Basil to Cluny the Scourge (Redwall)

"The second you change "I can't" into "why not", you can do anything in the world."

The Skarzs

You did quite well on the molespeech, methinks. ;)

Good chapter! Improved from the last one, I can tell. :) Keep at it!
Cave of Skarzs

Cave potato.

Søren



I'm retired from the forum

Eulaliaaa!

#19
Thank you guys, I'm glad you're enjoying it  ;D

Ch. 3

 Giggles had managed to convince Stashi to let them stay where she lived, having no home of her own, and in the mood to play a trick on someone. That's what she loved to do, trick other woodlanders just to see their faces. Though sometimes she took it too far, like the time when she was kicked out of Redwall Abbey for playing a prank on the Abbot that accidentally almost resulted in his death.

 Now, the trio was heading towards Stashi's home, Ashen having only come along because his house was inside the actual town and he wasn't wanting to risk being found.

 "Almost there," Stashi announced, glancing at a dead oak tree that was near her den.

 "Oh good, I can't remember the last time I was inside a house. I've not had a home in forever," lied Giggles, but it was true that she hadn't had a home in a long time.

 "Oh joy, I can't wait to be there," muttered Ashen, pulling his flatcap down over his eyes, staring at the ground as he walked.

 Stashi glanced back at him as she stopped in front of a bush growing next to a small cliff, "I can tell," she moved the branches to the side to reveal a small wooden door, "We'll stay here for the night. It's not much, so if you don't like it, sleep outside," with that, she pushed the door open and stepped inside. Giggles followed her inside with Ashen right behind her. Both of them stopped short at the mess that lay before them.

 It was a small cave with fireplace to the left and a large, nest-like bed near the back. A dirty, mud covered rug was in the middle, covering part of the cold, stone floor. Several chairs were squeezed around a tiny dining table that was missing half a leg. The walls were almost black, smeared with soot and ash from the fireplace. Open boxes were stacked near the back, right of the room stuffed with items such as clothes, weapons, food, and useless collectables. But it was the long table to their right that caught their attention.

 Wooden carvings lined it, very interesting carvings. One was of a rabbit trying to stand, with its leg stretched out behind it with several spears in it. Its head was lifted upward, its eyes squeezed shut and its mouth hanging open. An expression of pain on his detailed features.

 Another was a mouse, staring in horror as a snake lunged towards it, mouth open and fangs ready to kill. The carving seemed to capture the very moment that the mouse realized it would die, the very second before the snake sunk its fangs into its victim's chest. The carvings continued, all of them depicting scenes of hopelessness and pain, hatred and terror.

 The last two contained two familiar creatures. A squirrel was on her knees, a look of terror on her face as she glared over her shoulder at a fox. The fox was holding a knife to the squirrel's back, a look of confusion stamped on her twisted features. Behind the fox was another squirrel, holding a knife to the fox's back, a look of hatred on his face. The two squirrels looked alike, as if they were related.

 The last carving had the male squirrel, who looked a lot like Ashen, holding the dead body of the female squirrel. He was glaring at the fox and pointing away from him, as if telling her to leave. The fox, who resembled Stashi, looked devastated, holding a knife in her paws. Tears rolled down her face as she had her back turned partly to the squirrel, as if turning to leave.

 Ashen stopped in front of the two carvings until Stashi noticed. She rushed over and shoved them into a drawer, "Don't look at those!" She snapped.

 Giggles turned to face Stashi, "Why do you have these carvings here? They're so dark," she said.

 "They're decorated," corrected Stashi.

 "They're depressing," continued the otter.

 "They're interesting," said Stashi.

 Ashen walked over to the fireplace, "How about a fire? It's dark and cold in here," he suggested, not waiting for an answer as he set his paw on fire, running it over the logs until there was a blazing fire in the fireplace.

 Stashi shrugged, "I actually think it's a bit hot in here," she said.

 Ashen shrugged, "Then you can take off your trenchcoat."

 Giggles sat in front of the fire, "You know, I wouldn't want to have those in my house if I had one," she pointed at the carvings, "What are they for?"

 Stashi hesitated, unbuttoning her coat, "I like carving things, that's just what I carve," she said, shrugging off the coat. Two wings spread out behind her, two beautiful wings. The reddish gold feathers shone dimly in the fire light, and white lined the bottom of her wings.

 Ashen, unlike Giggles, was unimpressed, "No, she just surrounds herself by those to make herself feel better about what she's done," he growled, staring Stashi in the eye.

 Giggles had her mouth hanging open as Stashi folded her wings in, "I do not. I never plan what I carve, they just come out that way."

 Ashen ignored Giggles, who tapped on his shoulder and pointed at Stashi's wings, "Yeah right. You feel bad about what you did, so you carve that stuff to convince yourself that you're not the only one who's wronged someone."

 Stashi shook her head, "That's not why I carve those, they just come out that way. And you can't seem to forgive anyone, I've tried apologizing so many times," she argued.

 Ashen snorted, "Because you killed someone, I can't forgive you. She was the only family I had, and you killed her," as he talked, the fire began to grow bigger.

 "It was an accident, I didn't know what I was doing!" Yelled Stashi, her wings flapping slightly.

 "You knew what you were doing, you killed her!" Ashen yelled back, his paws clenching into fists. By now, the fire out spreading across the room, licking greedily at anything flammable.

 Stashi seemed to notice it, "Ashen, put out the fire, now," she commanded.

 He glared at her, "And if I don't?" Demanded Ashen.

 "I will," said Giggles. She had watched the fire grow, and held up her paws. Water sprayed from them, slowly putting the fire out as she threw it around, drenching the entire cave.

 Stashi and Ashen stared at her, "So, you're one of us?" Asked Stashi.

 Giggles nodded, "Yup, I've been able to keep it hidden. But you guys are like me, so I guess I'm able to use it around you," she explained.

 Ashen looked over at Stashi, then back at Giggles, "You've been able to hide it?" He asked.

 Giggles nodded again, "Yep, no one else knows about it."

 Before anyone said anything more, they heard yelling outside the cave, "Over here, they're over here!" Yelled somebeast standing right outside the door.

 Stashi looked at Ashen, "They followed us," she said.

 Ashen shrugged, "No duh, genius."

 Giggles stepped to the door, "We can take them, don't worry," she encouraged.

 "But where will we go?" Asked Ashen.

 Giggles winked at him, "I know a place we can stay," she said as she burst through the door, sending a small wave of water at the guards. Ashen came next, shooting fire at several guards as Stashi launched herself towards several others, swinging her daggers like miniature windmills of death.

 It was over in a matter of seconds, the guards, overcome by the sudden attack, were forced to retreat. Or at least, the guards that survived. Ashen stared at the dead bodies, tears welling up in his eyes, as Giggles did a miniature victory dance while Stashi stared at her house sadly.

 Finally, Stashi turned away, "Well, now I've gotta move again. Those guards might come back," she said.

 Giggles patted her on the back, "No worries, I know a place we can go," she chuckled.

 Ashen looked up at her, "Where?"

 "Redwall Abbey. Trust me, they'll let us in. They love me there, I'm their favorite otter," Giggles lied.

 Stashi shrugged, "I guess so, I mean, I'll have to build a new den."

 Giggles laughed, skipping through the forest, "Follow me, I know exactly where it is!" She exclaimed, another lie.
Just pretend there is something interesting and unique written here... I have nothing to say.

Luftwaffles

Another great chapter Eul!

Keep it up :)
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Mhera


Skyblade


Thanks, MatthiasMan, for the avatar!

Eulaliaaa!

Thank you, I'll see if I can post another chapter soon  :)
Just pretend there is something interesting and unique written here... I have nothing to say.

Eulaliaaa!

Another chapter, I hope it's good.

Ch. 4

  Silverscale waited impatiently at the gates of Redwall Abbey, his blood red eyes studying the beautiful walls of the ancient abbey, its roofs peeking up over the walls. His silvery white scales shone dully in the sun, and his hordebeasts stood behind him, silent. The crown, more like a flat golden circle, lay on his head at an angle. It was polished and well taken care of, it was one of the few treasures he had to fight for.

  The thought of battling Salamandastron for its treasures made him cringe slightly. Glancing at the scar running down his body, he cursed the thought of the badgerlord and all his hares he had slain.

  "Grimclaw, how long do we wait?" Snapped Silverscale, turning impatiently to his unfortunate captain.

  The weasel cringed slightly, "Er, not long now, sir. The little one is sure to tell the older beasts, they'll be here soon!" She said, avoiding eye contact as all hordebeasts did.

  "Are you sure he saw us? What if the child was only playing?" Demanded the snake.

  Grimclaw shrugged, "I'm not sure, sir. Would you like me to call up to them?" She asked.

  Silverscale shook his head, "No, we wait," he hissed.

  Grimclaw nodded, stepping slightly away from her leader. Why the snake had left the mountain in ruins, she did not know. It was the perfect place for a snake, but he had left to search for a more suitable home. Now he was convinced that Redwall was made for him.

****

  Skipper didn't dare to look over the walls twice, none of the Redwallers did. He glanced at Abbot Pine, seeing the hedgehog shaking with poorly hidden fear, "Pine, we're going to be ok. I'll send Fiddle to go to Salamandastron. They can help us, don't worry," he reasoned.

  Abbot Pine nodded, "Aye, Lord Stonestripe can help. I trust you and Badgermum Willow are able to hold them off until the Long Patrol arrives. But I need to know what they want, I will speak to them," he said, standing up and looking over the ramparts, shuddering at the sight of the massive snake, "Goodness, he could eat Willow in one bite!" He squeaked quietly to Skipper.

  "I wish to speak to your leader, Spikedog," called Silverscale.

  Pine shook slightly, "You're looking at him, snake. Now, what is it that you want from us? Food? Drink? Perhaps you have injured among you, do you need medical assistance?" He asked.

  Silverscale threw back his head and laughed, then reared up to his full height, nearly as tall as the abbey walls, "I want this abbey, hedgepig. If you leave now, I may spare your lives. Look at me, there is no hope for you! I am Silverscale the Murderer, ruler of Mossflower!" He hissed, staring up at Abbot Pine, only several feet below him.

  Pine shook uncontrollably, looking into the eyes of the murderous snake, "T-this abbey is n-not yours. You w-will not r-rule Redwall A-Abbey," he squeaked, his glasses falling off his face and dropping down onto Silverscale, bouncing off the scales and falling to the ground.

  With a terrible hiss, the snake lunged upwards, trying to reach the Abbot. But he was too short to reach the top of the walls and slide back down, falling onto the glasses and smashing them, "Fool, you have just ruined your chances of life. Now I shall kill you all and make you scream for death by the time I'm done with you!" He roared.

  As all the yelling went on, everybeast failed to notice a hare slip out of the gates, running in the direction of Salamandastron. This was Fiddle, the abbey warrior and poet, fastest runner in the abbey. He ran as fast as his feet would carry him, not knowing that all there was at the mountain was ruin, death, and hopelessness.
Just pretend there is something interesting and unique written here... I have nothing to say.

Wot, wot!

Awesome job Eul! this is absolutely amazing :)
"Get him! Grab that spy! I want his head!"
Basil chuckled. "What's the matter? Isn't your own head good enough? No, I don't suppose it is. Ugly-looking brute, aren't you?" -Basil to Cluny the Scourge (Redwall)

"The second you change "I can't" into "why not", you can do anything in the world."

Luftwaffles

~Please be sure to join us if ever you are passing~.

Having problems joining the board or accessing your account? E-mail us! Have Redwall news or artwork to share? Tweet us!


Skyblade

I like it! Well done again. Keep it up, Eul.

Thanks, MatthiasMan, for the avatar!

Eulaliaaa!

#28
Thank you  :)

Edit: added a poll. Should Stashi Featherwing and Ashen Flamepaw forgive each other? The results will decide how the story ends.
Just pretend there is something interesting and unique written here... I have nothing to say.

Eulaliaaa!

Sorry it took so long, I've been a bit lazy about my writing lately. Consider this a blessing or a curse, it depends on whether you actually like my writing or just say it to be polite ( ;))

Ch. 5

  Fiddle ran, pulling his jacket around himself and shivering in the cold night air. It had been nearly a day since he left the Abbey, and he hadn't taken a break since. His breath came in ragged, short gasps. His footpaws were sore and bleeding, cut by rocks and thorns. The water pack that hung at his side was empty. The cold air bit at him mercilessly, making him wish he could stop to light a fire, to sleep, or even just sit. But Redwall Abbey was in danger, he couldn't stop. Skipper told him that every second counted, and he needed to get to Salamandastron.

  He tried to run faster but tripped over a root and fell. For several minutes he lay there, fighting for breath. After a while, he staggered to his feet and kept going, slower this time. Again, he tripped over a root. And again, he got to his feet. He stumbled blindly onward, thinking of the abbey.

  A noise behind him caused the poor hare to turn, pawing at the hilt of his claymore. He had never favored the honored sword of Martin The Warrior, so he used his father's sword that had been passed down to him.

  Two rats came forward, looking just as tired as Fiddle. But the murderous look in their eyes told the hare that they meant to kill him, "Quick, Wormtail, jus' kill 'im so we can get back to the others," one gasped.

  Fiddle backed away, pulling the claymore out. It sank to the ground, his tired arms too weak to lift the heavy sword, "Stay... away. I'll kill... you. You hear me?" He warned.

  The rat that had been called Wormtail lifted his spear, "Ah here yah, all right. But we got orders, an' Ah don't want to fail Silverscale," he growled. And evil smile came over his wicked face as he threw the spear.

****

  Stashi sat hunched over the fire, spreading her wings around it for warmth with her eyes closed. Giggles lay snoring gently, laughing in her sleep. Ashen stared into the fire as his red eyes seemed to match it, dancing with orange and yellow.

  "I say we leave her, she has no idea where she's going," Stashi said, "She's already admitted she's lost, may as well find Redwall ourselves."

  Ashen's eyes flicked upward at her, then back down to the flames, "What do you mean by 'we'? There's me, and there's you. There is no we. And why don't you go make a new den, or steal one from someone else? Redwall won't accept you, you're a vermin."

  Stashi closed her eyes and listened to the crickets chirping, "Anything to make me feel bad, Ashen. You'd do anything, wouldn't you? Why don't you just kill me?"

  "I'm not a murderer," Ashen growled.

  Stashi smirked, "Yeah? Tell that to those mice you killed in the bar. And the guards too."

  Ashen bit his lip, "It was an accident."

  Stashi nodded, "Right. So was killing your sister. I didn't mean to."

  Ashen yanked the flatcap down over his eyes, "Shuttup," he muttered.

  "I'd like to see you try and make me," Stashi spat.

  Ashen glared up at her, "I could if-"

  "Hush," interrupted Stashi, holding her paw up.

  Ashen laughed, "Oh, threaten me then tell me to-"

  "Quiet! I hear something," Stashi interrupted again, tilting her head to the side. She narrowed her eyes, "Sounds like something's screaming... there's laughter, too..."

  Ashen lept to his feet, clenching his paw into a fist. Immediately the fire went out, leaving the three in sudden darkness, "Then let's go. Don't wake Giggles, she'll only get in the way."

  The two wove through the bushes silently, keeping their eyes open and listening for any noises. It wasn't hard to find the source of the noise, the screams had died down to whimpers of pain and the laughter had died down. Stashi stopped suddenly, seeing two rats standing over an injured hare. She glanced at Ashen, who nodded towards them.

  With a smile, she crept forward slowly and began to spread her wings. The rats had their backs to them, and didn't notice her until it was too late.

****

  Wormtail laughed, pulling his spear back to stab the hare again, "Yah caused us lots o' trouble, findin' yah. We got to obey Silverscale or he'll kill us both."

  "Yeah," chuckled Botfly, "Yah won't do no more runnin', rabbit."

  Suddenly light flashed behind them, and they turned around. The silhouette of a winged fox stood in front of a massive fire, and a voice yelled out, "Leave the hare, fools. Run and I may spare your lives!" It howled.

  The rats immediately dropped their weapons, running in the opposite direction of the fire. Stashi beat her wings and flew after them, swiftly ending their miserable lives with her daggers. She turned to face Ashen, who clenched his paw into a fist and the fire went out, "Cool, right? Just like old times. Remember when..." her voice trailed off as Ashen brushed past her towards the hare.

****

  Fiddle was in pain. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew he was in pain. One second the rats were about to finish him off, then there was a bright light and yelling. The light was gone, the screams had stopped, the pain was still there. A squirrel, the face of a squirrel hovered above him. It's red eyes flickered with orange and yellow. More pain. More light. An otter. A fox. The squirrel was back, it looked concerned. Pain. Darkness.
Just pretend there is something interesting and unique written here... I have nothing to say.