Redwall Abbey

"You... you told me once... that you weren't a hero. Umm... There were times I didn't even think you were human, but let me tell you this. You were the best man, the most human... human being that I've ever known and no one will ever convince me that you? told me a lie, so... there. I was so alone... and I owe you so much. But please, there's just one more thing, one more miracle, Sherlock, for me, don't be... dead. Would you do that just for me? Just stop it. Stop this..."  ~  John Watson

Afterword by Amelia Williams:  Hello, old friend.  And here we are.  You and me, on the last page.  By the time you read these words, Rory and I will be long gone.  So know that we lived well and were very happy.  And above all else, know that we will love you always.  Sometimes I do worry about you though.  I think once we're gone you won't be coming back here for awhile.  And you might be alone.  Which you should never be.  Don't be alone, Doctor.  And do one more thing for me.  There's a little girl waiting in a garden.  She's going to wait a long while, so she's going to need a lot of hope.  Go to her.  Tell her a story.  Tell her that if she's patient, the days are coming that she'll never forget.  Tell her she'll go to see and fight pirates.  She'll fall in love with a man who'll wait two thousand years to keep her safe.  Tell her she'll give hope to the greatest painter who ever lived.  And save a whale in outer space.  Tell her, this is the story of Amelia Pond.  And this is how it ends.

I am so done with the censoring rules on this site. HELL IS NOT A SWEAR WORD, USING IT IS NOT PROFANE. I go to a Catholic school which is very anti-swearing and they couldn't care less if you use the word "hell" outside of the Christian context. I'm so sorry to say this, but ANYONE that gets offended when the word hell is used needs to GROW UP. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. I try not to get angry at stuff like this but for pity's sake.
(This rant was brought on by the fact that the mods censored my previous post which uses the word hell, in case you're confused) And honestly, I couldn't care less about the repercussions this post may or may not bring.

TT: It's quite warm here on Lohac.
TT: I think I've been patient enough.
TT: When will I receive further instruction?
Now.
TT: So,
TT: I could have contacted you at any time?
No.
Only now.
TT: I came away with the impression from our last conversation that our next would take place on your invitation.
TT: I was being polite by waiting.
Your inevitable impatience caused you to contact me again.
Inevitability is my invitation.
TT: That's pretty smug.
I am right to be smug. I am omniscient, extremely powerful, and very charming.
TT: Well,
TT: Two out of three isn't bad.
TT: Can you use your limitless intelligence to figure out which ones I mean?
That was clever.
If I plead ignorance to the fact that you are denying my charisma, it invalidates my claim of omniscience.
But if I must adhere to my all knowing status, it forces me to validate the unfortunate reality that you are feigning the opinion that my demeamor is unpalatable.
Not that it matters, because I have all three qualities and you know it.
TT: This is stupid.
TT: Could we get to the point?
Yes, I was about to say.
We should hurry this along. My visitor is beginning to set things on fire.
TT: You have a visitor?
TT: Who?
Some guy.
I was joking anyway. I am not in a hurry at all.
TT: You tell jokes?
Yes.
Haa haa.
TT: So, your visitor isn't setting anything on fire then?
Oh, he most definitely is.
Hee hee.
TT: I'm really not getting this joke.
I was joking about being in a hurry.
From my perspective, this conversation is taking place in less than one second.
I type very quickly.
Hoo hoo.
TT: I thought you didn't lie.
TT: Aren't jokes essentially humorous lies?
TT: At least, those like the one you just attempted.
Jokes are only temporary lies.
If the falsehood is never exposed, there is no punchline. If the punchline is never delivered, the lie is sealed forever, regardless of initial humorous intent. Lies are not funny.
TT: I think if you're going to risk tarnishing your record of honesty, you should probably get better material.
My joke was objectively funny. Who would know better than I?
TT: Ok.
TT: So you're saying an inaccurate statement doesn't count as a lie, as long as you say "just kidding" later?
Basically.
TT: What if it's much later? Is it still "just a joke?"
No, that would be something closer to a prank.
I don't play pranks very often.
TT: Are you allowed to lie about playing pranks? If I asked you if you were playing a prank on me, would you tell the truth?
I am allowed to do whatever I want. I choose never to lie. I also choose to tell jokes now and then, and to play pranks quite sparingly.
But I can say that I have never played a prank on you, and no statement I have made to you thus far, or will make in this conversation, will contain any trace of falsehood for the sake of setting up a joke or a prank, with the exception of the joke I just made, and another one I will make very soon.
TT: I'm starting to change my mind.
Oh?
TT: Yes. I think your joke was funny in retrospect. Actually, your whole shtick is pretty good. I'm warming up to it.
Yes. I knew it.
TT: Just to be clear,
TT: Was the assurance you just made a prank or a joke?
It was neither. It was the truth.
TT: Was that?
Yes.
TT: The truth?
Yes.
TT: Ok.
TT: Were you serious about wanting to die?
Yes.
TT: Why?
I'll tell you later.
TT: Why?
Because you asked.
TT: But why not now?
Because that piece of information would not fit elegantly into the sequence of our exchange at this moment.
TT: Then you know how this entire conversation will go?
Yes.
TT: Is that true of all conversations you have?
Yes. Until, briefly, I don't. But the dark spots never last long. The truth disguises itself to me sometimes which can be mildly frustrating, but it usually reveals itself quickly, much as if a punchline was delivered. It's a humorous dialogue I have with reality, and it is very amusing.
TT: Then why do you bother with the conversations? Obligation to predestination, as usual?
There is no obligation.
It's a pleasure.
TT: It is?
I've always had a soft spot for young ladies.
TT: Hmm.
TT: That's a little creepy.
No it's not.
TT: Yes it is.
No it's not.
TT: It kind of is.
I have looked into the future and determined that we would continue in this manner pointlessly for some time, so I am putting an end to it here.
TT: That doesn't make sense.
TT: Was that the other joke?
Yes.
TT: Heh. Good one.
Thank you.
TT: How young are the ladies you typically take a shining to?
TT: And does this mean you are attracted to me?
TT: Suddenly this conversation is kind of terrible.
Of course I am not. Not in the way you mean.
And anyway, you are applying standards of conduct frowned upon for your kind which make no sense to apply to me.
I am an immortal entity with a large cue ball for a head, and no biological means of reproduction.
TT: ...
TT: Really.
Also, if you were millions of years old, you would find that nearly every lady you encounter is quite young, relatively speaking.
There should be no reason for you to feel uncomfortable with this interaction. Try to think of me as one of your kindly human uncle figures.
In fact, if I were in your presence now, I would offer you candy to prove it.
TT: Oh my god.
What?
TT: Can we talk about the scratch instead of this?
Yes.
You are situated near the game construct supplied by your session for causing the Scratch, yes?
TT: Are you actually asking?
No.
That was a fact, and then a question mark.
TT: Ah.
TT: Well, yes, I am.
TT: It's a large plateau shaped like a record. It's called the Beat Mesa.
I know.
TT: Is the game construct different in other sessions?
Yes.
It will always be an edifice of similarly cryptic design, located on the planet that is home to the Hero of Time.
Its environment dictates the nature of its construction. Its power is dangerous, and is meant to be utilized only in emergencies such as yours.
TT: You mean, in sessions where victory is no longer possible?
Yes.
TT: Due to creating an unstoppable adversary? Who triggers the reckoning prematurely?
TT: Is that sort of emergency common?
No.
Failure is common. But the composition of yours is quite atypical.
TT: Ok.
TT: Then, it's like a panic button for the players to push once they realize the cause is lost.
Yes, but causing the Scratch is not an easy task either.
The construct must be destroyed in a very specific way to release its energy.
The keeper of my ectobiological father began the process.
It must be finished.
TT: Who?
The guardian of the Knight of Time.
TT: Dave's bro?
Yes.
TT: How do I finish it?
You don't.
Not you personally. Another will. You have something more important to attend to, remember?
TT: Oh, right.
TT: The Green...
TT: Wait.
TT: The (http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/greensun.gif).
Yes.
TT: I'd planned to take care of that later, once John had retrieved the Tumor.
Tumor.
TT: Whatever.
Your plan will have to change.
You aren't ready to cause the Scratch yet.
Like I said, it's difficult.
TT: What will the one who does it have to do? I should let them know.
He will have to scratch the surface of the plateau across its full diameter.
TT: I see.
TT: This terminology can be very literal sometimes.
You will require a certain needle to create a breach in the surface that will be adequate.
TT: I have needles.
Your needles won't suffice.
TT: Then where do I get ones that will?
Again, you won't. This task is out of your hands.
The needles must be acquired from the denizen of the Witch of Space.
Her quills are very large and potent. They will be able to cause the Scratch.
TT: This really seems more elaborate than you lead me to believe.
I didn't lead you to believe anything.
I told you to find the construct and await advisement on the Scratch. The plans you were making were based on assumptions and fabrications of your imagination. You were writing more stories, much like those about your false magical men.
TT: I wish what I'd written in my private journals could be confined to your dark spots.
I don't. I find your stories entertaining.
TT: You're being creepy again.
No I'm not.
Besides, the White King agrees with me.
TT: What?
For a Seer, your vision of events surrounding you is rather limited. It's charming.
TT: Just,
TT: Please stop complimenting me.
No.
TT: Fine.
TT: Then please at least try to sound more sarcastic when you do it.
Oh sure, I am really going to do that. Yes, very likely.
TT: ...
TT: Then the Scratch will be implemented later, by either John or Dave I presume?
TT: You used a male pronoun.
Yes.
TT: I guess it makes sense that it would happen later. My understanding is that Jack will not be banished from this session until near the end of the reckoning.
Yes, Jack will exit your session later, but this has nothing to do with the Scratch.
Not directly, as you imply.
TT: I don't understand.
TT: I thought that was the point of the Scratch, to open a rift in spacetime as it were, and banish him into the trolls' session.
No.
That is not the purpose of the Scratch at all. The Scratch does not open a rift in spacetime.
TT: Hmm.
TT: Then why have you directed me to cause it?
TT: Does it have something to do with enabling you to die?
No. Not directly.
The Scratch has nothing more to do with my death than any other single event ultimately contributing to my demise.
TT: I think it's disingenuous for you to behave as if I have not been misled.
TT: You say you don't lie, but what about lies of omission?
Lies of omission do not exist.
The concept is a very human one. It is the product of your story writing again. You have written a story about the truth, making emotional demands of it, and in particular, of those in possession of it.
Your demands are based on a feeling of entitlement to the facts, which is very childish. You can never know all of the facts. Only I can.
And since it's impossible for me to reveal all facts to you, it is my discretion alone that decides which facts will be revealed in the finite time we have.
If I do not volunteer information you deem critical to your fate, it possibly means that I am a scoundrel, but it does not mean that I am a liar. And it certainly means you did not ask the right questions.
One can make either true statements or false statements about reality. All of the statements I make are true.
TT: Unless you're joking.
Yes.
TT: Haa haa, hee hee, hoo hoo?
Exactly.
TT: Then I guess I'll start asking better questions.
Good.
I will make a Seer of you yet.
TT: Will you?
Yes.
You can start by shoring up the reliability of your sources. You proceeded to question me believing you understood the purpose of the Scratch. You received your information about it from trolls. I assure you that in most ways, the trolls are as confused about everything as you are.
TT: Ok. Noted.
TT: What exactly does the Scratch do, then?
It resets the game.
TT: Oh.
TT: That's it?
Yes.
TT: Then,
TT: We all start from the beginning again? When John entered?
No.
The release of temporal energy will be quite massive.
This is a hard reset. It will reboot the conditions in your universe well before you began playing the game.
You will have lived different lives after the reset. The different initial conditions will ideally lead to a more favorable scenario in the new session.
Unfortunately, you will have no memory of anything that has happened in the session you are in now.
TT: What will happen to us? Everyone in this session now?
You will all cease to exist completely if you remain here during the Scratch.
TT: This seems familiar.
TT: It reminds me of when Dave and I were trapped in the doomed timeline, and he left to change the past.
TT: The timeline ceased to exist, along with my dream self, who in a way became merged with my dream self of this timeline. I kept some of her memories.
TT: Is the situation similar?
Similar, but more severe.
Since this timeline will undergo such a violent upheaval, such a merger of memory cannot happen.
You will be resigned to absolute oblivion.
Unless you can discover a way to preserve yourselves.
But it's not really my place to advise you on that.
After you have dealt with the Scratch and the sun, what happens to you is not any of my business.
TT: Then can you at least tell me if we will be successful in preserving ourselves after the reset?
I don't particularly enjoy spoiling things for people when unnecessary.
I find speaking in a discreet color helps avoid this.
TT: So if the Scratch isn't specifically meant to banish Jack from the session,
TT: And our quest to destroy the sun is meant to kill him,
TT: Why is the reset necessary at all, especially if it means oblivion for us?
Because you cannot achieve the ultimate reward in this session.
Your battlefield is cancerous, and the reckoning will destroy it prematurely regardless.
By resetting, you will create a session which can bear the fruit of a new universe, even if you will not be the ones to claim the reward.
Don't you want to fulfill your purpose?
TT: I guess.
TT: But it's a little disheartening to learn I'm now faced with not one, but two suicide missions at once.
TT: One to destroy Jack's power source and defend all of existence, and another to ensure our cosmic progeny at the price of oblivion.
That frames the dual objectives accurately.
But if you are inventive, you may find a way to survive the reset and participate in the renewed session.
It's up to you.
Just as it's up to you to face the decision to claim immortality before you enter your creation.
TT: Immortality?
Yes.
TT: Do you mean ascending to the god tier?
Yes.
TT: I have reason to believe that I won't.
TT: The trolls have not indicated I will die on my Quest Bed, or that any of us will aside from John. Instead I've been given a more troubling and ambiguous forecast.
What have I said about confirming the reliability of your sources?
TT: Are you saying I will?
No.
TT: Oh.
TT: Well, will I?
It seems you'd like me to do some more fortune telling.
TT: Fine.
TT: Maybe this question will suit you better.
TT: Is it probable?
That's a strange question to ask someone who is omniscient and therefore knows outcomes with one hundred percent certainty.
I like it.
TT: Then what's your answer?
You have exactly a fifty percent chance of ascending to the god tier.
TT: That's a strange answer.
I know.
TT: Why such a precise probability?
Because, much like the decisions you must face to complete your dual suicide missions, you have two ways of achieving godhood to choose from.
TT: Two ways?
TT: By dying on the Quest Bed on my planet, and some other way?
Yes.
TT: Is there another Quest Bed somewhere?
Yes. Good guess, Seer.
TT: Where?
What difference does it make? You already know where the first one is. You have the choice to go there right now and take your own life.
TT: That's true.
Of course it is.
TT: You mentioned immortality.
TT: Godhood makes one immortal?
Yes.
TT: A god tier will live forever, with no caveats?
No.
One will live forever, unless killed.
The death must be either heroic or just.
TT: How are those terms defined?
Broadly, mysteriously, and according to the case of the individual.
One may be killed by opposing a corrupt adversary and die for a just cause, as through martyrdom, for instance. This would be heroic.
Or one may be subject to corruption, and slain by a hero. This would be just.
TT: Which sort of death will you have when I destroy the sun?
Neither. I'm not a god.
I'm a guardian, a servant, and a weapon.
I have power and knowledge far surpassing a god.
But I am not one.
TT: Is this when you are going to tell me why you want to die?
Yes.
TT: I sense it's not just because you're getting bored with immortality.
That's good. Your vision is becoming clearer.
TT: Then why?
My master can't enter this universe until I am killed.
Such is the nature of the break.
TT: That almost sounds like martyrdom. Are you sure it won't be a hero's death?
Quite sure.
My master is a very evil man.
TT: Who is he?
I won't tell you his name.
But he goes by the title, L(http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/o.gif)rd English
TT: This doesn't sound like an especially admirable objective. Releasing an evil man, who is presumably more powerful than you, an already omnipotent being.
TT: Am I right?
You are right about both. It is not admirable, and he is considerably more powerful.
But you must decide which objective is more important.
You may decide to attempt to destroy the sun and end my life. This will neutralize Jack, who is also much more powerful and dangerous than myself by virtue of the ring he wears in addition to drawing energy from the same sun as I. He poses a significant threat to reality.
TT: But in the process of killing him and you, I release your master, who is just as deadly?
He's more deadly.
But the danger he poses is sanctioned by paradox space.
It is a known quantity. His very existence in a universe will mean it will inevitably be torn apart.
But there are rules to his entry, and his grim procession through paradox space is rather orderly. The present equilibrium has accounted for him, and will continue to.
Jack however is a loose cannon. He will not stop until he destroys everything he encounters.
Additionally, his existence is your responsibility.
TT: Then I guess I don't have a choice.
You do.
But also know this.
Refusing to venture out to destroy the sun in no way spares anyone from my master regardless.
It is certainly true that destroying it will end my life.
And it is certainly true that The Tumor you will deliver to its location has enough power to destroy it completely.
But it is not the only way to kill me.
It is simply a way I have suggested to you, which doubles as a way to disarm Jack, should you choose to go through with it.
Instances of myself have spawned in countless universes, and my objective is always the same.
I have never once failed to complete this objective, and I never will.
There is nothing noble about taking a course of action you believe would prevent his arrival, because that is impossible.
He will come.
In fact, he is already here.
TT: Are you saying that I will succeed in the mission to destroy the sun?
Are you asking for another palm reading?
TT: ...
You seem rather keen on acquiring a fortune from me considering you are the one with the crystal ball.
TT: I'm just trying to ask as many questions as I can. It's the only way to find the dark spots in your obstinacy.
I've been very helpful. And I will continue to be.
I myself do not care to be an oracle. But I can graciously supply you with one.
TT: Can you?
An eager consort has brought you one of my seeds. It appears you have amassed followers who wish to please you. How fortuitous.
TT: Your seeds?
The white orb.
TT: Oh. The cue ball. How did I not notice this?
It will accurately answer any question a curious girl can pose.
Provided she can see through the surface to read its reply.
TT: Hmm.
TT: Is that possible?
Is it, Seer?
Given your title and all the tools of prognostication at your disposal, it seems to me I should be the one asking you the questions.
TT: How can I see through it?
It seems you weren't listening, so I will state this again in the form of a question.
Don't you think I should be asking the questions from now on?
TT: Yes, if you wanted to be disingenuous and irritating.
Don't you think a clever person should be able to acquire information from someone who only asks questions?
TT: Then it's a challenge!
TT: I pass.
Do you have a choice? What if I'm feeling a bit stubborn?
TT: Ok, so what you mean is I should continue humoring your leading questions until you happen to ask certain rhetorical questions that contain information I need.
Was that a question?
TT: That was a fact, and then a period.
How does a Seer see?
TT: ...
TT: With a crystal ball?
TT: I already considered that. I don't think I can get the focus of the ball to "zoom in" tight enough on the cue ball's enclosure to read the answers.
How else does she see?
TT: By other magical means, I guess.
TT: Should I use magic?
Do you believe in magic?
TT: Magic is real.
TT: I've been using it.
Are you sure?
TT: Use whatever word you want to describe it. I have magic wands, they are very powerful, and they allow me to be magic. Your questions are silly.
What makes you convinced the wands are responsible for your abilities?
TT: Because I did not have the abilities before I made them.
Could this be circumstantial?
TT: Could it?
Is there an echo?
TT: Is there an echo?
Hee hee?
TT: I don't know what you're getting at.
TT: How about another leading question?
What did you combine to make those wands?
TT: Some stuff.
Knitting needles?
An inexpensive figurine of some fictional fellow with long whiskers?
A simple textbook on the zoologically dubious?
Why would this mundane combination of objects grant a child such an alarming mastery over dark forces all at once?
TT: I'm guessing this is one of the rhetorical questions meant to be informative.
TT: So then, my answer should affirm how ridiculous that sounds, shouldn't it?
Maybe?
TT: That wasn't even a question.
Yes it was?
TT: Ok. Magic is fake, the wands are useless toys, and there is something else going on. Next question???
Would it be so difficult to believe the power you've found to devastate your planet and create shortcuts through your session is not entirely by your own device?
Would it be so difficult to believe a young lady could be unwittingly apprenticed by more powerful entities who meant her potential to be realized later through some arbitrary trigger?
What would you say if I said a dutiful girl raised in the daylight was protected by a bulb-headed guardian, and learned to glow in the dark after death?
What would you say if I said a vengeful boy on a path of nihilism was taken under the wings of fearsome angels, and learned to destroy hope with their light?
What would you say if I said a reserved girl enamored by what dwelt in shadow was selected by the horrorterrors for service, and did their bidding at every step while convinced of her own autonomy?
TT: What would I say to those short fables?
TT: Not much, except I gather the third is a story about me, and that there's a lesson you'd like me to take from it.
TT: That I should renounce my "allegiance" before my grimdark corruption is absolute.
TT: And while I'm at it, I should discard these useless wands, because apparently the power was in my little black heart all along. Is that right?
Won't you have to give up your specibus to the one who causes the Scratch regardless?
How else will the young man wield that great big needle?
TT: I don't know! If you say so.
Haven't your friends already shown concern for your recklessness and your increasing sense of detachment from the party, the team objectives, and not to mention those of your personal quest?
Does this worry you? Is there a part of you left that's able to worry?
TT: Yes. It has been mysteriously localized to my middle finger. Could the dark magics be at work AGAIN?!
Do you deny that you have been neglecting incoming messages from your teammates? Would that be in keeping with the spirit of the human emotion of friendship for one whose soul was not so befouled by the designs of unknowable monstrosities?
TT: Friendship isn't an emotion, idiot.
Isn't it, Rose?
Isn't it?
TT: I've been busy. I'll get back to them.
TT: And can we please stop doing the patronizing question thing?
TT: In exchange I promise I will discontinue my patronizing responses.
Can the omniscient be patronized?
TT: The omniscipotent can do whatever they please. I guess I'm just asking you nicely to do me this favor.
Very well. I will stop smothering you with surprise noodles.
TT: Huh?
But only because I find you to be adorable.
TT: So creepy.
So cute.
TT: Yuck.
I am going to ask the same question I asked earlier.
Please do not regard it as a violation of my pledge. It is just an ordinary question, like those that crop up in an ordinary conversation.
TT: Ok.
How does a Seer see?
TT: I don't know.
Be literal.
TT: With her eyes?
Take the orb.
Ask it a question.
TT: I don't know what to ask anymore.
TT: I'm confused.
What would you ask me?
TT: I would ask what should I do next.
Then ask.
TT: What should I do next?
Not me.
The ball, idiot.

"WHO DIED? WHO CAME BACK? WHO'S YOUR SUPER SIZED McSHIZZLE NOW, BABY?" -Leo Valdez

Start a new life with me
Buy his freedom with your love
Refuse me and you send your lover to his death!
This is the choice!
THIS IS THE PIONT OF NO RETURN!

"Doors are for people with no imagination"~Skulduggery Pleasant, Skulduggery Pleasant

"We live in a time of fear," Skulduggery said, "where we're too scared of upsetting the status quo to ask the questions we need to be asking." ~Skulduggery Pleasant, Skulduggery Pleasant

"Are you going to shoot me?' Vengeous sneered. 'I wouldn't be surprised. What would a thing like you know about honor? Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.'
"And only a moron would bring a sword to a gunfight."~Baron Vengeous and Skulduggery Pleasant, Playing With Fire

"We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse."~Skulduggery Pleasant, Playing With Fire

"Vengeous scowled. 'As you can see,' he said, 'you are vastly outnumbered.'
'I usually am.'
'Your situation has become quite untenable.'
'It usually does.'
'You are within moments of being swarmed by these filthy creatures of undeath and torn apart in a maelstrom of pain and fury.'
Skulduggery paused. 'Okay, that's a new one on me."~Baron Vengeous and Skulduggery Pleasant, Playing With Fire

"That's beautiful," Valkyrie said, looking at it.
"Isn't it? This necklace has cost two very fine men their lives. At times, I wear it in tribute to their sacrifice. Other times, I wear it because it goes with this skirt."~Valkyrie Cain and China Sorrows, Playing With Fire

"What is it with you women?" he yelled, kicking at the air. "You come into our lives, you take everythin'! Throughout the years you got little pieces of me, of my very SOUL, and NOW? Now you got my damn straight razor! How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even SHAVE?"~Billy Ray Sanguine, Playing With Fire

"The Torment turned his head to him, and frowned. "Who are you?"
"I'm... sorry? It's me, it's Vaurien. Vaurien Scapegrace. I... built the cellar for you?"
"Oh," the Torment said. "You. Why are you back? I thought you were dead. It would have been nice if you were dead"~The Torment and Vaurien Scapegrace, Playing With Fire

"What does he look like?" Valkyrie asked.
"Black hair, pretty pale. Ugly scar on his face. Looks like a vamp."
"You should get back inside," Skulduggery said. "Lock the doors."
"You got it, Kemo sabe. I'll keep my crucifix close."
"Vampires aren't scared of a crucifix, Finbar."
"I don't plan to wave it at him, I plan to hit him with it. It's really heavy. I figure I can do some considerable damage to his head." He Stepped back and closed the door." ~Valkyrie Cain, Finbar Wrong and Skulduggery Pleasant on Dusk, Playing With Fire

"I'm sorry, I don't know what any of you want, or why guns and knives are being waved around, or why the girl has just been taken hostage, but everyone seems to be acting like having a TALKING SKELETON in the room is perfectly normal. And you, where are your eyes? How can you see? How come the only people with eyes in this room are me and her?"~Fletcher Renn, The Faceless Ones

"I'm sophisticated, charming, suave and debonair, Professor. But I have never claimed to be civilised."~Skulduggery Pleasant, The Faceless Ones

"He has a name."
"Oh yeah. Skulduggery isn't it?" Fletcher responded. "That's an unusual one. Tell me were you born a skeleton or were your folks just disturbingly hopeful?"~Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn, The Faceless Ones

"Valkyrie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your friend is most likely dead."
"Of course he's dead. He's a skeleton." ~Davina Marr and Valkyrie Cain, Dark Days

"We don't do what we do for the glory or the fame or the credit; we do it for the quiet satisfaction of making the world a better place, saving the lives of innocents, and being better than you are." ~Skulduggery Pleasant, Dark Days

"My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever."
"I missed you too, Thurid."~Thurid Guild and Skulduggery Pleasant, Dark Days

"They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said.
China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me."~Valkyrie Cain and China Sorrows, Mortal Coil

"You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?" ~Skulduggery Pleasant, Mortal Coil

"She's not... She's not datin' the skeleton, is she? How would that be even possible, let alone... nice? He's got no skin, or lips, or... or nothin'."~Billy Ray Sanguine on Valkyrie Cain (and no she is not dating "the skeleton"), Mortal Coil

"Valkyrie patted Fletcher's arm. "Don't worry," she said. "If the bad man comes, I'll protect you."
"If the bad man comes," Fletcher responded, "I'll bravely give out a high-pitched scream to distract him. I may even bravely faint, to give him a false sense of security. That will be your signal to strike."
"We make a great team."
"Just don't forget to stand in front of me the whole time," he said."~Valkyrie Cain and Fletcher Renn, Death Bringer

"The fact is that we have no way of knowing if the person who we think we are is at the core of our being. Are you a decent girl with the potential to someday become an evil monster, or are you an evil monster that thinks it's a decent girl?"
"Wouldn't I know which one I was?"
"Good God, no. The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves."~Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain, Death Bringer

"By the way, all joking aside, do I call you Ghastly or Elder Bespoke?'
'You can call me whatever you like.'
Vex nodded. 'Thank you, Gladys."~Dexter Vex and Ghastly Bespoke, Death Bringer

"I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall." ~Valkyrie Cain on Caelan the vampire, Death Bringer

"I try not to underestimate my opponents, no matter how ridiculous their beards."~Skulduggery Pleasant on Bison Dragonclaw, Death Bringer

"But if you can confront your inner demons—"
"I did confront my inner demon. I punched him in the face and he exploded."
Valkyrie had to laugh. "But now he's back."
"Of course he's back. He's resourceful. He is my inner demon, after all."~Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant, Death Bringer

"Get away from my ex-girlfriend, you moany little whinge-bag.'
Caelen took a deep breath, like he was in pain, and stood up. His voice was low, guttural. 'I was hoping I'd get the chance to kill you.'
'You won't be killing anyone, you sad little emo git.'
'You've stood in the way of our love for long enough.'
'Just listening to you makes me want to top myself, you self-pitying Paranormal Romance novel reject.'
Caelen glared. 'Stop insulting me.'
'Why? If you cry will your mascara run?" ~Fletcher Renn and Caelan the vampire on Valkyrie Cain, Death Bringer

"Oh, China. How I have missed you."
"And I have missed you, Eliza. But don't worry, next time my aim will be better."~Eliza Scorn and China Sorrows, Death Bringer

"You should have called us. Desmond would have picked you up.'
'No I wouldn't,' Valkyrie's dad said, stepping into earshot. 'Sorry, Fletcher, but I had important fatherly duties to take care of, which included eating breakfast, showering, and finding my trousers. Of those three, I only managed two. Without looking down, can you guess which one I missed?'... Fletcher smiled back. 'I just want to borrow Stephanie for a moment.'
'Take our daughter,' Valkryie's dad said, waving a hand airily. 'We have another one now."~Desmond Edgely and Fletcher Renn on Valkyrie Cain and Alice Edgely, Death Bringer

"You're in a bad mood,' Skulduggery said. 'I understand. I do. You're saying things that you don't really mean. It's OK.'
'I'll kill you both.'
'Hurtful things said in the heat of the moment. We're not going to hold it against you, Bison. We're all friends here.'
Valkyrie nodded. 'We love you Bison.'
'We do,' Skulduggery agreed. 'You're our favourite Necromancer. You're the cuddly one.'
'Shut up,' Dragonclaw said. 'Both of you just shut up."~Skulduggery Pleasant, Bison Dragonclaw and Valkyrie Cain, Death Bringer

"I would love to have a battle of wits with you, Bison, but I doubt it would be a fair fight.'
'Shut your face.'
'Exactly my point." ~Skulduggery Pleasant and Bison Dragonclaw, Death Bringer

"He looked at her. "We're meant to be together..."
"And this is exactly what I mean."
"Our love is written in the stars."
"And there you go again."
"I love you."
"You bore me." ~Caelan the vampire and Valkyrie Cain, Death Bringer

"You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with murder suspects?'
He waved his hand. 'Oh, I was only joking about that. I don't really think you murdered someone. Unless you did, in which case I reserve the right to say I knew it all along."~Skulduggery Pleasant and Kenny Dunne on Valkyrie Cain, Death Bringer

"You say one more thing that sounds like it's ripped from the pages of a really bad gothic romance and I'm out of here, are we clear?"~Valkyrie Cain to Caelan the vampire, Death Bringer

"Every human being who has ever lived has the same potential in them for good and evil. Mortal or sorcerer, it doesn't matter. Power has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Mevolent. Serpine. Hitler. Lord Vile. _________. We're all the same."
"You just put me on a list with Hitler."
"You're going to start sulking again, aren't you?"~Skulduggery Pleasant and SOMEONE, Death Bringer

"I cross the place where my heart used to be and hope to be even deader than I am now." ~Skulduggery Pleasant, Death Bringer

"I love you.'
'Yeah, well...'
'You make my heart want to beat.'
'That's nice and creepy. But I'm with Fletcher.(...) Also, these proclamations of your undying love for me are getting kind of... it's a bit much to be honest. Just hold back a little.'
'But my love for you is eternal.'
'That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about."~Caelan the vampire and Valkyrie Cain, Death Bringer

"The next time? Oh, my dear Eliza, you're not going to carry on with this, are you? The Faceless Ones had their chance. They returned and they were sent away again. It's time to move on. Time to take up another hobby, like crocheting, or serial killing." ~China Sorrows on the Church of the Faceless, Death Bringer

"Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I'm ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of these are wholly accurate. I don't have dragon wings, I don't breathe fire, I'm only eight feet tall and I've never eaten a newborn that didn't have it coming. My name is ________. What's yours?" ~SOMEONE, Kingdom of the Wicked

"Mostly we've had to found ways to amuse ourselves."
"Really?" Valkyrie asked. "Like what?"
Plight's smile faded. "Like human sacrifice."
He grabbed one arm and Lenka grabbed the other and Valkyrie cried out.
Then they both let go. laughing.
"Naw," Plight said, we just play board games."
..."She fell for it!" gasped Lenka. "She fell for the human sacrifice bit!"~MYSTERIOUS SOMEONES and Valkyrie Cain, Kingdom of the Wicked

"Grand Mage," Ghastly said, as he put the map away, "did you know the sparrow flies south for the winter?"
"What an odd thing to say," Ravel said, and as he turned, he snapped his palm against the air and Paloma slammed into the wall."
....."What do you know," Ravel said, breathing a little faster, "Skulduggery's silly little code actually works."~Ghastly Bespoke and Erskine Ravel, Kingdom of the Wicked

"Dexter, please put your shirt on. Valkyrie's getting distracted."
"I'm not," she said, then smiled at Vex. "You don't have to put your shirt on." ~Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain on Dexter Vex, Last Stand of Dead Men

And I've already done the last book

  "Was that why you killed them?  You thought they would tell the templars?"
  "No.  They didn't see me until I went to them.  But I knew they would."  Cole chewed his lip, an expression that Rhys had seen before whenever the man was trying to put a difficult thought into words.  "Have you ever been underwater?" he finally asked.
  "Of course."
  "There's a pool in one of the lower halls.  I go there sometimes."  He seemed lost in thought.  "You can float when you're underwater.  If you close your eyes, it's like you're floating in nothing.  You're surrounded by darkness, and all you can hear is yourself.  Everything else is far away."
  "I don't understand."
  Cole sighed in frustration.  "Sometimes I feel like I'm underwater, and I won't ever get out again.  I just keep sinking and sinking, and there's no bottom.  The darkness is going to swallow me up."  He stared at the floor, embarrassed.  "I'm falling into the cracks between what's real and what's not real, and if I don't stop myself I'll be lost there forever.  The only way I can stay is to..."
  Rhys backed away.  Just a step.  He didn't mean to do it, but Cole noticed nonetheless.  The grief that twisted on his face at that realization was difficult to watch.  Rhys found himself torn between fear and concern.  He liked Cole, and always had, but it was too difficult to reconcile the harmless young man he knew and a murderer who had stabbed six helpless mages in the heart.  "The only way you can stay," he said, his voice small and strained, "is to kill someone?"
  "I know they'll see me," Cole whispered.  "I don't know why, but I do.  So I go to them.  The moment they die, they look at me.  They know I'm the one that's killed them, and that makes me the most important thing in the world."  His face became wracked with grief again.  "I've never been that important to anyone."  The words came out as a hoarse croak.
  "And... being important makes you real?"
  Cole looked up at him with wide, uncomprehending eyes.  "Doesn't it do that for you?"

"Once upon a time, an angel and a devil fell in love.
It did not end well."

"Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there's no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic."

"Have you ever asked yourself, do monsters make war, or does war make monsters?"

"Wishes are false. Hope is true. Hope makes its own magic."

"It's not like there's a law against flying."
"Yes there is. The law of gravity."

"It is a condition of monsters that they do not perceive themselves as such. The dragon, you know, hunkered in the village devouring maidens, heard the townsfolk cry 'Monster!' and looked behind him."

"Once upon a time, an angel lay dying in the mist.
And a devil knelt over him and smiled."

"Hey! My body may be small, but my soul is large. It's why I wear platforms. So I can reach the top of my soul."

"I know it's not easy for you, living this life, but try to remember, always try to remember, you're not the only one with troubles."

"Once upon a time, a little girl was raised by monsters.
But angels burned the doorways to their world, and she was all alone."

"Like mould on books, grow myths on history."

"She had been innocent once, a little girl playing with feathers on the floor of a devil's lair. She wasn't innocent now, but she didn't know what to do about it. This was her life: magic and shame and secrets and teeth and a deep, nagging hollow at the center of herself where something was most certainly missing."

"So violent. You want to mug and tase everybody these days."
"I do," Zuzana agreed. "I swear I hate more poeple every day. Everyone annoys me. If I'm like this now, what am I going to be like when I'm old?"
"You'll be the mean old biddy who fires a BB gun at kids from her balcony."
"Nah. BBs just rile 'em up. More like a crossbow. Or a bazooka."

"Yearning for love made her feel like a cat that was always twining around ankles, meowing Pet me, pet me, look at me, love me. Better to be the cat gazing coolly down from a high wall, its expression inscrutable. The cat that shunned petting, that needed no one. Why couldn't she be that cat?"

"Have you ever asked yourself, do monsters make war, or does war make monsters? I've seen things, angel. There are guerrilla armies that make little boys kill thier own families. Such acts rip out the soul and make space for beasts to grow inside. Armies need beasts, don't they? Pet beasts, to do their terrible work! And the worst part is, it's almost impossible to retrieve a soul that has been ripped away. Almost." He gave Akiva a keen look."But it can be done, if ever... if ever you decide to go looking for yours."

"I don't know your customs, but here, if you don't want to frighten someone, you don't go looming over their sleeping body with knives."

"I've always imagined that one day the path of your life would unroll at your feet and carry you away from us. As it should, as it must. But I am glad that day is not today."

"She knocked and waited, because when the door was opened from within, it had the potential to lead someplace quite different."

"It wasn't like in the storybooks. No witches lurked at crossroads disguised as crones, waiting to reward travelers who shared their bread. Genies didn't burst from lamps, and talking fish didn't bargain for their lives. In all the world, there was only one place humans could get wishes: Brimstone's shop. And there was only one currency he accepted. It wasn't gold, or riddles, or kindness, or any other fairy-tale nonsense, and no, it wasn't souls, either. It was weirder than any of that. It was teeth."

"Once upon a time, before chimaera and seraphim, there was the sun and the moons. The sun was betrothed to Nitid, the bright sister, but it was demure Ellai, always hiding behind her bold sister, who stirred his lust. He contrived upon her bathing in the sea and he took her. She struggled, but he was the sun, and he thought he should have what he wanted. Ellai stabbed him and escaped, and the blood of the sun flew like sparks to earth, where it became seraphim- misbegotten children of fire. And like their father, they believed it their due to want, and take, and have.

As for Ellai, she told her sister what had passed, and Nitid wept, and her tears fell to earth and became chimeara, children of regret.

When the sun came again to the sisters, neither would have him. Nitid put Ellai behind her and protected her, though the sun, still bleeding sparks, knew Ellai was not as defenseless as she seemed. He plead with Nitid to forgive him but she refused, and to this day he follows the sisters across the sky, wanting and wanting and never having, and that will be his punishment, forever."

"Beauty,' Brimstone had scoffed once. 'Humans are fools for it. As helpless as moths who hurl themselves at fire."

"That's your evidence? Flimsy. Maybe he secretly fights crime and he's texting infuriating riddles to his nemesis," suggested Karou.
"Yes, I'm sure that's it. Thank you."

Cole:  How do you get the hair on your face?
Blackwall:  Look, ask Varric.  He seems to have adopted you.
Cole:  He doesn't have hair on his face.  Is it a mask?
Blackwall:  No it's a beard.  Look, if you were any other lad your age I'd tell that one day you'll probably grow one too, except I don't know if spirits that become boys get beards.
Cole:  I could try.
Blackwall:  Right.  You go do that then.  Good luck.  Have fun.

Blackwall:  Hey, Cole.  Say something interesting.
Cole:  "Something interesting"?
Blackwall:  Yes, I deserved that one.

Cole:  Do you ever take off your armor and talk to it?
Cassandra:  No.
Cole:  It might say something nice.

Cassandra:  Cole, I found a locket on my pillow earlier...
Cole:  It was Anthony's.
Cassandra:  It was my grandmother's, actually, but it had Anthony's portrait inside.  I thought I'd lost it.
Cole:  You did lose it.  I had to fight a rat for it.
Cassandra:  Oh?  Thank you.
Cole:  He wasn't a very big rat.

Dorian:  Did you enjoy the Winter Palace, Cole?
Cole:  There were so many wonderful hats!
Dorian:  Did you try dancing?  Or did you skulk around invisibly?
Cole:  Dancing is hard.  You have to listen with your feet as well as your heart.
Dorian:  And not poke around in the heads of the other dancers.
Cole:  There's a lot to do all at once.

Dorian:  Cole, you should be careful dancing around with those daggers when I'm throwing fire.
Cole:  It won't hurt me.  It's friendly fire.
Dorian:  That doesn't always mean what you think it means.

Cole:  Dorian, am I handsome?
Dorian:  Are you what?
Cole:  You say you're handsome all the time.  Am I?  I can't tell.
Dorian:  You're all right.  Might want to rethink the hats.
Cole:  But I like my hats.

Iron Bull:  So Cole, you're a spirit...demon...thing?
Cole:  Yes.  And you're The Iron Bull, afraid of demons.
Iron Bull:  Not fond of 'em, no.  But you and I are fine as long as you don't do any weird bad stuff.
Cole:  Lying awake, sheets soaked in sweat, afraid to call the Tamassrans.  Shadows make shapes in the dark.  If it gets in my head, how do I cut it out?  Itching, shaking, tears slide cold down my cheeks.  "Tama, I'm scared."
Iron Bull:  Yeah, weird bad stuff like that?  Pretty much what I meant.

Cole:  The Iron Bull, in one fight, you let someone hit you so they wouldn't hit me.
Iron Bull:  Yes?
Cole:  But you hate demons.
Iron Bull:  Listen, Cole.  You might be a weird, squirrelly kid, but you're my weird, squirrelly kid.
Cole:  Oh.  Thank you.
Iron Bull:  Just don't make it weird.  No full hugs.  Maybe a one-armed slap on the back... at most.
Cole:  Alright.

Cole:  Sera.  My tongue wants to whistle on the start.  Sera.  But it has to stay still or the r is a d.  Sera.  Seda.  Seda.  De da de da.  If you try, you can say it without moving your mouth, see?  Serrra.  Say it enough and it stops being a word.  Sera, Sera, Sera, Sera, Sera, Sera, Serraa.
Sera:  Leave me alone.

Cole:  You like to dance, but can't.  You hate to sing, but can.  You should not paint.  It would be very bad if you did.
Sera:  Shut it up!

Cole:  They were staring at me.
Varric:  Who's "they," Kid?
Cole:  In Skyhold.  The servants in the courtyard.  They were looking at me and whispering.
Varric:  It's the hat.  Kind of hard to miss.  Don't worry about it.
Cole:  What's wrong with my hat?
Varric:  That's going to take a while.  I'll explain "clothes" when we get back.

Cole:  Should I change my hat?
Varric:  Nah, if they're busy staring at your hat, they're ignoring all your other flaws.
Cole:  A silk shirt with three buttons left undone.
Varric:  Exactly!  If you can't be flawless--and no one can--be flashy.  Nobody will know the difference.

Varric:  How are you holding up, Kid?  You've been quiet for a while.
Cole:  My shoelaces keep coming untied.
Varric:  You're doing fine.
Cole:  Can you talk to them?  They don't listen to me.
Varric:  Maybe not so fine...  Don't talk to them, Kid.  Just tie them in knots.

Cole:  Do they ever stop talking to you?
Varric:  Nouns, Kid.  Does who ever stop talking to me?
Cole:  The people in your head.  They aren't real, but they have voices and thoughts and sometimes you see through their eyes.
Varric:  If they stopped I wouldn't have to write so much.

Cole:  I think I have it.  Let me try again.
Varric:  Alright, Kid, let's see what you've got.
Cole:  Knock, knock.
Varric:  Who's there?
Cole:  Cole.
Varric:  Cole who?
Cole:  It's me, Cole.  That is my name.
Varric:  No, no.  You're still not getting it.  Sorry, Kid.

Cole:  Knock, knock.
Varric:  Okay, I'll bite.  Who's there?
Cole:  The Inquisition.
Varric:  The Inquisition who?
Cole:  That's who we are, Varric.
Varric:  Er... yeah.  That's not working either.  You didn't get that one from Sera, did you?

Varric:  Okay, try it again, you'll get it.
Cole:  Knock, knock.
Varric:  Who's there?
Cole:  Me.
Varric:  (Sighs.)  Me who?
Cole:  Me, and I'm telling a knock knock joke.
Varric: Uh... that was... closer keep trying.

Cole:  Grass doesn't mind anything.  People walk on it, horses eat it, it's always content.
Vivienne:  It's probably thankful it doesn't have ears, and can't listen to you.

Cole:  Wind is always going someplace.  What happens when it gets there?
Vivienne:  Apparently, it dons a hat and prattles endlessly.

She looked up at the boy standing over her. For a dizzy moment she thought he had stepped out of one of her nightmares of her brother, Daniel. He was beautiful, like Daniel had been, though they could not have looked more different. Daniel's skin had been the same brown as hers, while this boy looked like he had been carved out of ice. White skin, sharp pale cheekbones, salt-white hair that fell over his forehead. His eyes were black, shark's eyes, flat and cold.
"Sebastian," she said. "You're Valentine's son."
"Maia." Jordan whispered. Her hands were over his chest, and they were soaked in blood. So was his shirt, and the sand under them, the grains of it clumped together by sticky scarlet. "Don't stay-run-"
"Shh." She kissed his cheek. "You'll be all right."
"No he won't," Sebastian said, sounding bored. "He's going to die."
Maia's head jerked up "Shut up," she hissed. "Shut up, you-you thing-"
His wrist made a fast snapping motion - she had never seen anyone else move that fast, except maybe Jace - and the tip of his sword was at her throat. "Quiet, Downworlder," he said. "Look how many lie dead around you. Do you think I would hesitate to kill one more?"
She swallowed but didn't lean away. "Why? I thought your war was with the Shadowhunters-"
"It's rather a long story," he drawled. "Suffice it to say that the London Institute is annoyingly well protected, and the Praetor has paid the price. I was going to kill someone today. I just wasn't sure who it was when I woke up this morning. I do love mornings. So full of possibilities."
"The Praetor has nothing to do with the London Institute-"
"Oh you're wrong there. There's quite a history. But it's unimportant. You're correct that my war is with the Nephilim, which means I'm also at war with their allies. This"-and he swung his free hand back to indicate the burned ruins behind him-"is my message. And you'll deliver it for me."
Maia began to shake her head, but felt something grip her hand - it was Jordan's fingers. She looked down at him. He was bone white, his eyes searching hers. Please, they seemed to say. Do what he asks.
"What message?" she whispered.
"That they should remember their Shakespeare," he said. "I'll never pause again, never stand still, till either death hath closed these eyes of mine, or fortune given me measure of revenge." Lashes brushed his bloody cheek as he winked. "Tell all the Downworlders," he said. "I am in pursuit of vengeance, and I will have it. I will deal with any who ally themselves with Shadowhunters. I have no argument with your kind, unless you follow the Nephilim into battle, in which case you will be food for my blade and the blades of my army, until the last of you is cut from the surface of this world." He lowered the tip of his sword, so that it brushed down the buttons of her shirt, as if he meant to slice it off her body. He was still grinning when he drew the sword back. "Think you can remember that, wolf girl?"
"I..."
"Of course you can," he said, and glanced down at Jordan's body, which had gone still in her arms. "Your boyfriend's dead, by the way," he added.

Alec strode forward, already notching another arrow to his bow. Meliorn was on the ground, moaning, the snow around him turning red. Alec stood over him, bow at the ready. "Tell us how to get Magnus-how to get the prisoners back," he said. "Do it, or I'll turn you into a pincushion."
Meliorn spat. His white armor seemed to blend into the snow around him. "I will tell you nothing," he said. "Torture me, kill me, I shall not betray my queen."
"It doesn't matter what he says anyway," said Isabelle. "He can lie, remember?"
Alec's face shut. "True," he said. "Die then, liar." And he let the next arrow go.
It sank into Meliorn's chest, and the faerie knight fell back, the force of the arrow sending his body skidding back across the snow. His head hit the cave wall with a wet smack.
...
"Meliorn had pitch on his shoes," [Clary] said. "'And the streams of Edom shall be turned to pitch', remember? I think he came from the demon realms. I think they're that way."
"Jace," Alec said. "Tell the Queen what we want, and that if she does it, we will let her live."
The Queen laughed, a shrill sound. "Little archer boy," she said. "I underestimated you. Sharp are the arrows of a broken heart."
Alec's face tightened. "You underestimated all of us; you always have. You and your arrogance. The Fair Folk are an old people, a good people. You aren't fit to lead them. Under your rule they will all wind up like this," he said, jerking his chin toward Meliorn's corpse.
"You are the one that killed him," said the Queen, "not I."
"Everyone pays," Alec said, and his eyes on her were steady and blue and hard.

"Here we are," said the Seelie Queen, and her voice was amused. "Can you guess the right road?"
They stood in a massive cave, the roof lost in shadow. The walls glowed with a phosphorescent shine, and four roads branched off from where they stood: the one behind them, and three others. One was clear and broad and smooth, leading directly ahead of them. The one on the left shone with green leaves and bright flowers, and Clary thought she saw the glimmer of blue sky in the distance. Her heart longed to go that way. And the last was a narrow tunnel, the entrance wound about with spiked metal, and thornbushes lining the sides. Clary thought she could see darkness and stars at the end.
Alec laughed shortly. "We're Shadowhunters," he said. "We know the old tales. This is the Three Roads." At Clary's puzzled look he said, "Faeries don't like their secrets to get out, but sometimes human musicians have been able to encode Faerie secrets into ancient ballads. There's one called 'Thomas the Rhymer,' about a man who was kidnapped by the Queen of Faerie-"
"Hardly kidnapped," objected the Queen. "He came quite willingly."
"And she took him to a place where three roads lay, and told him that one went to Heaven, and one went to Faerieland, and one went to Hell. 'And see ye not that narrow road, so thick beset with thorns and briars? That is the path of righteousness, though after it but few inquires.'" Alec pointed toward the narrow tunnel.
"It goes to the mundane world," said the Queen sweetly. "Your folk find it heavenly enough there."
"That's how Sebastian got to the Adamant Citadel, and had warriors backing him up that the Clave couldn't see," said Jace in disgust. "He used this tunnel. He had warriors hanging back here in Faerie, where they couldn't be tracked. They came through when he needed them." He gave the Queen a dark look. "Many Nephilim are dead because of you."
"Mortals," said the Queen. "They die."
Alec ignored her. "There," he said, pointing to the leafy tunnel. "That goes farther into Faerie. And that"-he pointed ahead-"is the road to Hell. That's where we're going."
"I always heard it was paved with good intentions," said Simon.
"Place your feet upon the way and find out, Daylighter," said the Queen.
...
"I know you think you are sending us to our deaths," [Jace] said. "But we will not die so easily. We will not lose this war. And when we are victorious, we shall make you and your people bleed for what you have done."
The Queen's smile left her face. They turned away from her and started down the path to Edom, silently; Clary looked over her shoulder once as they went, and saw only the outline of the Queen, motionless, watching them go, her eyes burning.

 "When I'm Führer, there will be changes.  That day, all female officers will be required to wear... TINY MINISKIRTS!"  ~ Colonel Roy Mustang

Mustang:  Dogs, huh... I LOVE DOGS!
Fuery:  Really?  You mean it?
Mustang:  But of course!  Dogs embody loyalty, they follow their masters commands above all else!  Be a jerk to them and they don't complain, and they never once beg for a paycheck!  Trust me, Fuery!  They're the great servants of man!  *sings*  Loyal canine, how we salute thee!

Ed:  Okay, Al, you're right.  Today's a great day; the day I beat Mustang's pompous mug in front of the whole army and get some [darn] respect!
Al:  But we're indebted to him, brother!
Ed:  He's asked for it.  Saying he knows all we do, acting like he'd let our secret out, then not telling me what I need to know!
Al:  So what's your strategy?
Ed:  I told you!  A fist in his face!

 "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RUNT SO TINY HE COULD ONLY BE SEEN WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS, YOU JERK!"  ~ Edward Elric

 "DON'T CALL ME SMALL!  I'LL BREAK OFF YOUR FEET AND STICK 'EM ON YOUR HEAD!"  ~ Edward Elric

 "Struck out on the Philosopher's Stone again, huh?  How am I supposed to keep funding this wild goose chase?  Money doesn't grow on trees, there, chief!  Ed, where'd you run off too?  Oh, there you are!  I couldn't see you over my paperwork, seeing as how you're so short and all!  Hahaha!"
 ~ Edward Elric (imitating Mustang mocking him)

Hughes:  Gracia!
Gracia:  Honey...  It's here!
Hughes:  The tea?
Gracia:  The baby!
Hughes:  Aaugh!  But... but the doctor said next week!
Gracia:  Well, the baby just said NOW!  And I'm pretty sure SHE gets to choose!

Al:  [panicked]  When you think of it, making a life's expensive!  We would have to give something up!
Ed:  CHILDBIRTH'S NOT ALCHEMY, YOU DOPE!

 [Crawling through air vent]  "[Darn] it!  This is smaller than I thought!  See, if I was normal-sized I wouldn't have fit, and we would have had to call this off.  It really is a good thing I'm so small.  [stops; realizes what he just said] AAAUGHH! NO IT'S NOT!"  ~ Edward Elric

Hohenheim:  Edward.  So, do you still hate drinking milk?
Ed:  [kicks Hohenheim]  WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICRO-SIZED HALF-PINT WHO DIDN'T GROW UP BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DRINK MILK?!
Winry, Riza, and Sciezka:  That's not what he said, Edward...

Mustang:  I'm sure you've heard that Scar's back.  So what's with the showboating?  Do you want him to find you?
Ed:  Yeah, that's exactly what I want.  I need to fight him and you can't talk me out of it!
Mustang:  Have you lost your mind?!  Did you forget the way he tore you apart in East City?!
Ed:  [mocking voice]  Ooh!  Sounds like the colonel's scared of big bad Scar!  I'm not surprised, considering how useless you were against him!  Hahahaha!
Mustang:  THAT WASN'T MY FAULT!  IT WAS RAINING THAT DAY!
Ed:  [mocking voice]  Was it raining when you got beat up and sent to the hospital?  Ha!  You're still useless!
Mustang:  SHUT YOUR MOUTH, FULLMETAL!

Robin: You're overwhelmed, Mr. Freeze was underwhelmed, why is nobody ever just whelmed?

Robin (regarding Desmond): That guy is not whelmed, not whelmed at all
Kid Flash: What is it with you and this whelmed thing?

Superboy: You're Ivo? I'm whelmed

Robin: Why is nobody ever just whelmed? I feel like I've said that before

Superboy: That hurt. A lot
Robin: That's why it's stored in an overwhelmingly impenetrable vault in the Batcave... Well, more like whelmingly penetrable

Red Arrow: Wow, such an intervention, I'm whelmed

Mister Twister: And they sent children here without supervision? I'm disturbed
Robin: Well let's see if we can get you more turbed when we kick your butt!
After a fight where the team lose
Mister Twister: Thank you, that was very turbing

Robin: If dislike is the opposite of like does that make the opposite of disaster "aster"? Like instead of something really bad happening, something really good happens
Superboy: ...
Robin: Guess you're not feeling the aster

Robin: That was a disaster. Heavy on the DIS

Robin: Disaster averted, feeling the aster

Nightwing: The team's first year was all aster, no dis

Robin: The infiltrators have been out-filtrated!

Robin: You seem distraught
Artemis: I am
Robin: Well get traught or get dead!

Artemis: *Resuscitates Robin*
Robin: Way to get traught

Kid Flash: How could you be so nonchalant?
Robin: You should have been chalant, way chalant, extremely chalant

Tourist 1: Look it's Flash Junior!
Tourist 2: No, his name is Speedy
Tourist 3: No, Speedy is Green Arrow's sidekick
Tourist 2: Well that makes no sense

Firefighter: It's Flashboy!
Kid Flash: IT'S KID FLASH! Seriously, why is that so hard?

Guardian: Robin? Aqualad? Kid Flash?
Robin: Well at least he got your name right

Police officer: (Regarding Kid Flash) It's Speedy!
Impulse: No, Speedy's the other guy though the history books were never clear on why

Beast Boy: Well I think we've found our "unknown energy impulse"
Bart Allen: Impulse? That's so crash! Catchy, dramatic, one word. Like Nightwing and Robin and Beast Boy except that's two words, Blue Beetle's two words, hey! Is he here too? Nevermind, Impulse will find out for himself haha!

Impulse: *Dodges smoke bombs* Haha, can't catch me that easil-
Nightwing: *Punches him in the chest and cuffs him* Now that was crash
Impulse: For you maybe, I'm totally feeling the mode

Impulse: Ah! You're trying to get a DNA sample, you need my spit, ha! That is such a Dick Grayson thing to do!
Robin: How did-
Impulse: See, I know things only a future boy would know: Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Garfield Logan
Beast Boy: Your name's Tim? And yours is Dick?
Impulse: Oops, spoilers! This secret identity thing is so retro. You can call me Impulse or Bart or Bart Allen or Bart Impulse Allen, it's all crash.
Robin: Could he actually be telling the truth? Could he really be from the future?
Beast Boy: Tell us something we don't know yet! When do I become leader of the team? When do I join the Justice League? When do I get my own reality series?
Impulse: Sorry BB, never was the best history student. Besides, can't risk altering the timestream. Do that and we're all feeling the mode
Beast Boy: And the mode would be bad?
Impulse: Doesn't get any worse. It's always better to crash the mode

Jaime: Dude! What are you doing here?
Impulse: I'm here to hang, to chill, spend a little downtime with my buddy Blue, BB the Beetle the bee-tel. You know, chillangin'?
Jaime: And putting my secret identity at risk?
Khaji-Da: The Impulse is trouble, destroy him!
Jaime: Overreacting won't help!

Blue Beetle: Beat that hermano
Impulse: Not bad, not bad, boulders definitely feeling the mode but one thing I learned in the future my friend that it is easier to destroy than to create. Ta-da!
Khaji-Da: The Impulse has created nothing and its premise is faulty, tactical destruction is more effective than creation
Blue Beetle: Uh, ta-da what exactly?
Impulse: Curb the attitude, get a little altitude hermano!
Blue Beetle flies into the air and sees Impulse's drawing Woah
Impulse: Impulse by Impulse, is that crash or what?
Blue Beetle: Crash, totally crash!

Impulse: So you're Aqualad, working with the bad guys I see! Using a little alien tech to track down friend Blue? Not crash my friend, not crash at all

Nightwing: What is that?
Impulse: Souvenir!
Blue Beetle: Souvenirs are Beast Boys thing ese
Impulse: Oh really? I thought it was Kid Flash that-
Nightwing: Can we get back to the point?

Blue Beetle: What did you tell her ese?
Impulse: About you betraying mankind and causing the Reach apocalypse? Nada amigo, see I have no idea what actually turns you. For all we know, the League finding out could be the very thing that makes it happen so I say we say nothing to no one
Khaji-Da: Yes, this is good. Now kill the Impulse so he cannot change his mind!
Blue Beetle: Keep quiet!
Impulse: Exactly, stick with me Blue, I'll keep ya from feeling the mode

Impulse: You know you could fly out of here
Blue Beetle: And you could run about a thousand miles before Black Beetle could blink. If I took Arsenal, could you carry Robin?
Impulse: Sorry, fast, not strong
Blue Beetle: Well alpha never leaves a man behind

Impulse: The night is young hermano
Blue Beetle: The night is over ese. All I want to do is go home and catch some Zs. Why don't we meet up first thing in the morning? Like, noon-ish
Impulse: Sounds crash, I'll see you then

Wade Wilson: Great. Stuck in an elevator with five guys on a high-protein diet.
William Stryker: Oh, Wade.
Wade Wilson: Dreams really do come true.
William Stryker: Just shut it! You're up next.
Wade Wilson: Thank you, sir. You look really nice today. It's the green. It brings out the seriousness in your eyes.
Logan: Oh, my God. Do you ever shut up, pal?
Wade Wilson: No. Not when I'm awake.

William Stryker: Your country needs you.
Logan: I'm Canadian

Wade Wilson: Okay. People are dead.

Logan: [upon seeing the obese Fred] Fred Dukes? That looks like the creature that ate Fred Dukes.

Logan: Are you Remy LeBeau?
Remy LeBeau: Do I owe you money?
Logan: No.
Remy LeBeau: Then Remy LeBeau, I am.

Slade: Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build.

Robin: Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
Slade: On the contrary, Robin... it's just begun.

[Slade knocks Robin off the edge of a building. Just as he starts to fall, Slade catches him by the wrist.]
Robin: You... saved me?
Slade: I'm not through with you!

Robin: All you care about is destruction.
Slade: And all you care about, you destroy.

Slade: For some time now, I have been searching for... an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
Robin: No way would I ever work for-
[Slade shows Robin the kill switch]
Slade: If you join me... if you swear to serve me... if you never speak to your friends again... I will allow them to live. But... if you disobey even the smallest request... I will annihilate them, Robin - and I will make you watch. So, do we have a deal?

Slade: You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
Robin: I already have a father. [Pan up as bats fly through the ceiling] [Theme from Batman: The Animated Series plays]

Slade: Robin, that was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. Excellent work. You're becoming more like me every second.

Robin: Get out of here. Go! You don't know what those beams did to...
Beast Boy: Dude, we know.
Cyborg: And we don't care.
Starfire: We are your friends, Robin. We are not leaving without you.
Slade: How very touching... [Puts thumb on trigger] but Robin doesn't need any friends.

Beast Boy: (To Terra) We've got to get back to the Tower and...
Terra: Beast Boy, I'm not going back. I can't.
Beast Boy: What? Why can't you?
Slade: (Appears from shadows) Because she's not your friend - she's my apprentice.

Slade: [To Beast Boy] The girl you knew was practically an illusion. A fantasy. In reality, she's been working for me.

Terra: [After Slade zaps Beast Boy with a gun] NO! I won't let you hurt my friend!
Slade: Terra, you don't have any friends.

Terra: (To Beast Boy) You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember?
Beast Boy: (turning his back on her) Slade was right. You don't have any friends.

Slade: I have to say Raven, when I found out the truth I was very impressed. All this time I had no idea of the power lurking inside you. The glorious destiny that awaits. It's always the quiet ones, isn't it?

Robin: Slade. We're ready for you.
Slade: Give me the girl.
Robin: No way.
Slade: You don't really have a choice in the matter. I'm taking her.
Beast Boy: Oh, yeah? You and what army?
[An army of fire creatures appear, Beast Boy screams]
Cyborg: You just had to ask, didn't you?

Robin: [wondering what Slade's motives were for helping Trigon take over the world] So, why did you do it? For money? Status? Those dark powers?
Slade: Not everything is so... cut-and-dry, Robin.
Robin: Selling out our world for your own personal gain seems pretty cut-and-dry to me.
Slade: With or without me, there was no stopping this.
Robin: But you played a part; And just like everything else you've ever done, it's made people suffer.
Slade: It's what I do best.

Demon: You cannot hope to defeat pure evil.
Slade: Actually, I'm not such a nice guy myself.

Robin: I've stopped you before!
Slade: Robin, if you've "stopped" me, then why am I still here?

Slade: Only a minor set back. Nothing two old friends can't handle.
Robin: I am not your friend.

"Gordon Edgley's death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself." - Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy (In the US it's called Skulduggery Pleasant: Scepter of the Ancients)

"When Dreylan Scarab had been locked away in his little cell, he'd thought about nothing but murder." - Skulduggery Pleasant: Dark Days by Derek Landy

"The formidable glass-and-steel structure rose from its position on Front Street like a glittering needle threading the sky." - City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare

"The cold snap of the previous week was over; the sun was shining brightly as Clary hurried across Luke's dusty front yard, the hood of her jacket up to keep her hair from blowing across her face." - City of Glass by Cassandra Clare

"On the day Emma Carstairs's parents were killed, the weather was perfect."  - City of Heavenly Fire by Cassandra Clare

"It was a sad moment in Magnus Bane's life when he was banned from Peru by the High Council of Peruvian warlocks." - What Really Happened in Peru by Cassandra Clare and Sarah Rees Brennan

"It took Magnus nearly twenty minutes to notice the boy shooting out all the lights in the room, but to be fair, he had been distracted by the décor." - The Midnight Heir by Cassandra Clare and Sarah Rees Brennan

"It was Friday night in Brooklyn, and the city lights were reflecting off the sky: orange-tinted clouds pressing summer heat against the sidewalks like a flower between the pages of a book." - The Course of True Love (And First Dates) by Cassandra Clare

"The Friday before winter break, my mom packed me an overnight bag and a few deadly weapons, and took me to a new boarding school." - The Titan's Curse by Rick Riordan

"The end of the world started when a Pegasus landed on the hood of my car." - The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan

"It is Nicko's first night out of the House of Foryx, and Jenna thinks he is going a little crazy." - Syren by Angie Sage

"The anpu appeared first, tall jackal-headed warriors with solid red eyes and saber-teeth, wearing highly polished black glass armor." - The Warlock by Michael Scott

"It was a very distinct sound, the quiet scraping of steel on stone, that first told him that his visitors had arrived, followed by a strange sort of tapping and the shuffling of feet." - Here, There be Dragons by James A. Owen

"It was not the soothing notes of a lullaby that lured the children from their beds, but it was a song nonetheless." - The Search for the Red Dragon by James A. Owen

"In the centuries that would pass, the spacious stone room known as Solitude would fill with an accumulation of culture; not by design, but because those who would eventually come to seek the occupant's skills would feel an obligation to bring something, anything, as gifts, or perhaps tribute." - The Indigo King by James A. Owen

"It might be said that a mystery is simply a secret to which no one knows the answer." - The Shadow Dragons by James A. Owen

"Pulling his trench coat tighter against the cold drizzle of the Northampton rain, the Zen Detective sighed and checked his watch." - The Dragons of Winter by James A. Owen

"Stories have existed since the beginning of the world, and human history itself consists of little more than the stories that survived." - The First Dragon by James A. Owen

"From a distance, the man struggling up the white face of the glacier might have looked like an ant crawling slowly up the side of a dinner plate." - The Iron Trial by Cassandra Clare and Holly Black

"After a year of slavery in the Salt Mines of Endovier, Celaena Sardothien was accustomed to being escorted everywhere in shackles and at sword-point." - Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas

"Victor readjusted the shovels on his shoulder and stepped gingerly over an old, half-sunken grave." - Vicious by V. E. Schwabb

"The deck of the French ship was slippery with blood, heaving in the choppy sea; a stroke might easily bring down the man making it as the intended target." - Temeraire by Naomi Novik

"Mother, Father:

It's my seventeenth birthday today. I know that to write to you is to break the Law. I know that I will likely tear this letter in pieces when it is finished, as I have done on all my birthdays past since I was twelve. Bt I write anyway, to commemorate the occasion, the way some make yearly pilgrimages to a grave to remember the death of a loved one. For are we not dead to each other?

I wonder if when you woke this morning, you remembered that today, seventeen years ago, you had a son. I wonder if you think of me, and imagine my life, here in the Institute in London. I doubt you could imagine it. It is so very different from our house surrounded by mountains and the great, clear blue sky and the endless green. Here everything is black and gray and brown, and the sunsets are painted in smoke and blood.

I wonder if you worry that I am lonely, or as mother always used to, that I am cold or that I have gone out in the rain again without a hat. No one here worries about those details. There are so many things that could kill us at any moment, catching a chill hardly seems important.

I wonder if you knew that I could hear you that ay you came for me when I was twelve. I crawled under the bed to block out the sound of you crying my name. But I heard you. I heard mother call for her bach, her little one. I bit my hands until they bled but I did not come down and eventually Charlotte convinced you to go away. I thought you might come again but you never did. Herondales are stubborn like that.

I remember the great sighs of relief you would both give, each time the Council came to ask me if I wished to join the Nephilim and leave my family, and each time I said no and sent them away. I wonder if you knew I was tempted: by the idea of a life of glory, of fighting and killing to protect as a man should. It is in our blood: the call to seraph and stele, to Marks and to monsters.

I wonder why you left the Nephilim, Father; I wonder why Mother chose not to Ascend and to become a Shadowhunter. Is it because you found them cruel or cold? I have not found them so. Charlotte especially is kind to me, little knowing how much I do not deserve it. Henry is mad as a brush, but a good man: he would have made Ella laugh. There is little good to be said about Jessamine, but she is harmless. As little as there is good to say about her, there is as much good to say about Jem—he is the brother Father always thought I should have, blood of my blood, though we are no relation. Though I might have lost everything else, at least I have gained one thing in his friendship. And we have a new addition to our household, too. Her name is Tessa. A pretty name, is it not? When the clouds used to roll over the mountains from the ocean—that gray is the color of her eyes —"

TT: Ever hear of Guy Fieri?
GT: No?
GT: I dont think so.
TT: You're fortunate then.
TT: He was an especially degenerate piece of filth.
TT: He used his connections and guile to wriggle into the spotlight, and then on to other positions of power.
TT: He somehow landed on the U.S. Supreme Court. Over the years, other justices started mysteriously disappearing without being replaced.
TT: After helping rewrite the constitution to form an incomprehensible patchwork of fascism, theocratic mandates, recipes, and bad rap lyrics, he weaseled his way up the ranks to become the High Chaplain of Interstellar War.
TT: I'm just gonna cut to the chase, cause really this ain't a big history lesson here.
TT: He eventually came to be regarded as the third and final Antichrist.
TT: No other human in history was responsible for more death and suffering.
GT: That boorish cur!!!
TT: Yes, that's exactly the phrase I would use to describe someone responsible for the extermination of five billion people.
TT: It was just so uncivilized of him.
GT: How could such an atrocity be allowed to happen?
GT: Was his personal magnetism really that overwhelming?
TT: Maybe overwhelming in the wrong direction, yeah.
TT: But it didn't happen overnight. It was a gradual decline in the integrity of the system that allowed it.
TT: Eventually the wheels came off and the political scene mirrored the absurdity of the media circus.
TT: By the time Presidents Jay and Dope were elected, western civilization had officially turned itself over forever, and I think everyone knew it.
GT: Oh no.
GT: When does that happen?
TT: 2024. The last free election the world would ever see.
GT: So like...
GT: They were on the ticket together? As president and vice president?
TT: No, man.
TT: They were both president.
TT: They were the first Dual-Presidents of the United States of America. Also the last.
...
TT: The next several grueling terms of their presidency was a weird combination of authoritarian practices. The Baroness used it as a puppet regime, while still basically giving them carte blanche to carry out their idiotic whims.
TT: Faygo was pumped through the plumbing instead of tap water. The new national pastime was having type 2 diabetes. And the national anthem was replaced by a 3 minute high-reverb audio clip of President Jay farting into a microphone while laughing.
TT: Chaplain Fieri was authorized to set up the death camps, in which anyone on the planet could be imprisoned if they were not deemed sufficiently "mirthful."
TT: And so the cleansing began, priming humanity for its new ruler waiting in the wings.
TT: This was when our ancestors had enough.
TT: The resistance movement had failed, but they could at least bring the war criminals to justice.
TT: My bro finally caught up with the presidents and challenged them to a duel.
TT: They accepted, having for years regarded him as a cocky rival rapper who failed to show them the proper respect. In their arrogance they invited him into the foul belly of the Carnival believing they could teach him once and for all what it truly meant to be down with the clown.
TT: For centuries thereafter, survivors of the Hilarocaust would cite the rooftop showdown as one of the most heroic moments in human history.
TT: He killed them both.
TT: Unfortunately, as they were only figureheads, no liberation followed. There would be no parades in the streets, or statues cast, or medals awarded.
TT: The few witnesses would report seeing only a man with a sword on a terrible skateboard, gently rising into the night sky.
TT: No one ever saw him again.
TT: Meanwhile, Roxy's mom was tracking down the High Chaplain.
TT: His crimes had already been committed. She couldn't repay them by any stretch of the imagination.
TT: But she could wipe the blood stained grin off that fat jerk's face.
TT: She gouged his eyes with a pair of needles.
TT: And rode his torso to the bottom of the bloody falls.
TT: Reports of what happened to our ancestors after that are sketchy.
TT: There were no eye witness accounts I've found, but some believe they regrouped and confronted the Condesce herself.
TT: With all her high ranking officers dead, and the human population decimated and sufficiently groomed for her arrival, there was no reason to stay behind the scenes anymore.
TT: After those dreadful years of putting up with a more vulgar brand of authoritarianism, when she finally stepped forward to claim her throne, it actually came off as somewhat dignified. Elegant, in a way.
TT: She was no less severe, but at least she knew how to act like an empress.
TT: But even if they did manage to confront her, there was no way they could win. She had too many crazy alien powers.
TT: Her boss supposedly had jacked her power level through the roof. I even heard, and don't quote me on this, that she may have been over 9000.
GT: Heavens to betsy.
GT: That figure is just absurd.
TT: Yeah.
TT: And that's not even to speak of the generic smorgasbord of other powers she was rumored to have.
TT: It gets hard to separate the fact from the urban myth.
TT: But for reference, if you want to believe it all, just picture all the X-Men combined into one sexy fish woman in a skin tight suit.
GT: Whoa momma.
TT: Whatever actually went down, they're surely both dead now.
~ Dirk Strider and Jake English, Homestuck

"The city is flying, we're fighting an army of robots, and I have a bow and arrow; none of this makes any sense." ~ Hawkeye, Avengers: Age of Ultron

"Please be a secret door, please be a secret door, please be a secret door... yay!"
-Iron man

"Thor, report on the Hulk."
"The gates of [Heck] are filled with the screams of his victims!"
-Thor and Blackwidow

"Oh, I'm so sorry... I... I'm sure that'll be ok."
-Ultron

"I'm sorry, we would've called ahead of time but we were too busy not knowing you even existed."
-Iron man

"She's obviously an agent."
*children run into room*
"Those are... smaller agents."
-Iron man

"Fury, you son of a [biscuit]"
"Ooho, you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
-Captain and Nick Fury

"You did not see that coming?"
-Quicksilver

"If you don't leave, you'll die."
"I just did... do you know how it felt?"
*rips out heart*
"It felt like that."
-Scarletwitch and Ultron