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what would you say if an elf walked up to you right now?

Started by mattimouse20, December 27, 2012, 06:06:23 AM

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KitrallStreamrippler

A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight!

Jetthebinturong

"In the meantime, no one should roam the camp alone. Use the buddy system."
"Understood." Will looked at Nico. "Will you be my buddy?"
"You're a dork," Nico announced.
~ The Hidden Oracle, Rick Riordan

Ungatt Trunn

Here's what I do:
Me: Wow!
Elf: What?
Me: You have ear cancer! I've never seen ears sooo large!
Elf: No, its a family thing.
Me: Having ear cancer?
Elf: Yes! Don't tell anybody, but the only reason our ears are sooo big is because we have ear cancer.
Me: Wow! I never knew that!
Elf: I know. Mr. Tolken was afraid that If he told the truth about use that his books wouldn't sell.
Me: Any other secrets I should know about the middle earth that Mr. Tolken didn't write about?
Elf: As a matter of fact, there are! Gandolf is really a retired hoolah dancer from Hawaii, The dwarfs are really just soft gnomes, the reason that hobbits like to stay at home is because they all have athlete's foot....
(two hours later)
Me: Wow! My view of the middle earth will never be the same again! So are you shure that elvish origonated from two-year-old scribbles?
Elf: Yes, I'm shure!
Me: And that the "rocks" that they use for catapolts are really 250 year-old friutcakes?
Elf: Yep! Thats the truth!
Me: Wow. You know, meybey I should rewright the Lord of the Rings and the other works again...
(Expect to see a book called " Lord of the Rings: How it really happened, by Ungatt Trunn" in a fiew months...

Life is too short to rush through it.

Jetthebinturong

#18
lol
"In the meantime, no one should roam the camp alone. Use the buddy system."
"Understood." Will looked at Nico. "Will you be my buddy?"
"You're a dork," Nico announced.
~ The Hidden Oracle, Rick Riordan

Leatho Shellhound

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Ungatt Trunn


Life is too short to rush through it.

Norham Waterpaw

Hey you! What? Expecting a great quote or some heart-warming poem? Too bad, my signature is just boring. Stop reading it. Stop it. Why are you still reading it?

KitrallStreamrippler

Quote from: Jetthebinturong on February 27, 2013, 07:11:39 PM
according to J.R.R. Tolkien, its elvish
Ah, yes. Thank you.

What I would say:
"Hey, I'm looking for an elf to join me in an adventure. Needs to be tall, blonde, a good archer, and have experience with hobbits. Wait, nevermind. Do you know where I can find Legolas?"
A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight!

AnnaofRedwall

I hate it when a package says 'easy open' and you need a scissors, a knife, a crowbar, a gun, and a light-saber to open it.

Slagar Mc Muffin

dude,what the hamster are you doing in MY room at 2 in the morning?!

please feed my kitty- thank you!
A lovely message to all the haters in the world : Keep your awesomely big nose into your own buisness!  sincerely,amy ^^

BadgerLordFiredrake

baby turtle forever

Rusvul

I would not be at all surprised. I am an elf. So I'm gonna answer some of your questiones.


"What's up with your ears?"
I'm an elf. They're pointy.
"Why do you hate dwarves?"
Because their incessent hole-digging is annoying. Day in, day out, "diggy diggy hole, I want diamonds gold blah blah blah I'm super greedy I hate elves. "
"Why are some elves really tall and North Pole elves so small?"
All elves are really tall and slender. And no, we're not Slendermen. North pole elves aren't elves, they're actually gnomes. Think about it, Gnomes have pointy hats, and pointy ears, and they're short.
"How old are you?"
119. In your years, 12.
"Why do all of you have long flowy hair?"
Long, flowy hair is more refined than a dwarf's scraggly beard or a human's tiny tufts of hair.
"Where do you live?"
In my house.
"Do all elves wear tights?"
No. We most certainly do not. As you can see, I'm wearing pants. (Trousers, to you british people ;))
"Why are your shoes curled?"
They're not. I'm wearing plain leather traveling boots.
"What kind of elf are you?"
As I've explained, the only kind. The kind that lives in forests with bows and stuff, as depicted in LOTR. You'd be surprised how accurate a delusional writer was about things unseen by humans.
"Is Link an elf?"
No. He's a half-elf. Hence him being a dork.
"Then why does Link wear tights and have pointy ears?"
He wears tights because he's a dork, and he has pointy ears because he's a half-elf.
"Do you like smashing pots too?"
No! Can you not ask stupid questions?
"How many elves are there?"
A lot.
"How high can you count?"
Higher than you.
"Do you really live forever?"
No.
"Then how old do you live?"
We have an average lifespan of 800 years. In your years, ninety. Ugh. Stoppit, too many questions.
"What do you mean this is too many questions?"
I mean you must be insane.
"What's your name?"
Verdus Greensword
"That's a weird name!"
So is yours. That wasn't a question.
"So what that wasn't a question!"
So, you are not making any sense.
"Can I wear your hat?"
No.
"Do elves live among us?"
Not really. A few, though.
"Am I an elf?"
No.
"We'll I'm tall... But I don't have pointy ears, curled shoes, amazing archery/toy making skills, long flowy hair or a weird name."
You're not an elf, dude. Give it up.
"Am I a dwarf?"
Ugh, I hope not. But that would explain the insanity.
"So what I don't have a beard! Don't some dwarves shave?"
No.
"Why don't they?"
Because they're idiots.
"Ew even the girls?"
The girls don't grow beards. Did you seriously not know that?
"Are elves and dwarves opposites?"
Pretty much.
"Are there hobbits and orcs and wizards?"
Hobbits: No. Tolkien had the wrong name for them, they're called halflings. Orcs and wizards, yes.
"Do you know Santa?"
No.
"Do you know Santa's phone number?"
No.
"Do you have candy?"
No. As I said before, stop asking stupid questions.
"What's your favorite color?"
Green. Duh.
"Is Elf your favorite movie?"
No.

Redwaller

Quote from: rusvulthesaber on July 21, 2013, 01:22:46 PM
I would not be at all surprised. I am an elf. So I'm gonna answer some of your questions.
Aren't you a Steampunk fox?

psybox

He's a steampunk elf fox, what else would he be? 

Rainshadow

  No, I think he's a shapeshifter.  Some of the time he's a steampunk elf, and the other time he's a steampunk fox.
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